Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Dare To Be You

Oh my gosh. I still can't get over this article. Go read it here. You can come back. I'll wait.

You're back. Okay. Good. Because I want to tell you exactly how true this is. I spent 27 years of my life trying to be someone else, trying to be someone who I was not created to be. I looked to everything and everyone and wanted what they had, what they were doing, their entire life. And I chased money, fame (yes, I'm admitting it), and everything in this world you can think of. (Except illegal things. I have my parents/upbringing and God to thank for that.) You name it, I wanted it. And I wanted to BE everything. I literally have a document sitting on my external hard drive entitled, "Who I Want To Be" and let me tell you, it includes about 20 different "jobs" if you will. And each of them can be pin-pointed back to a single person or shall I say..."inspiration." I wanted to have a blog (hey, look-y here!); I wanted to have a YouTube channel; I wanted to be an interior designer, and a fashion designer; I wanted to own a wedding shop, have my own clothing line. Are you starting to get the picture? I wanted to be EVERYTHING I wasn't made to be. (The blog might be an exception, though this is WAY different than what I was envisioning.)

I loved reading the part where she's says "I'm messy and loud, a hugger and a crier." I laughed and smiled so ridiculously because, well...I'm messy. I don't keep a clean house because I'm busy and it's not #1 on the priority list, so sometimes I don't clean for a few weeks. No one dies, so it's all okay. I'm not loud. That one I CAN'T relate to, but apparently I'm a hugger. Lol. Anyone who knows me is truly LOLing about that one. I "blame" my church. They're huggers. The first time I hugged someone in a scenario that I normally wouldn't, I was completely surprised by it. I remember backing away thinking, did I really just do that? Wait, what just happened? But it just happened naturally - I just did it. It flowed out of me. It's who I was created to be. (Alright, I'M still giggling at that one.) And finally, I'm a crier. I don't hold my emotions back. I used to. I'd hide it all, telling myself that I needed to be strong, afraid of what people would think or that they might see a weakness. But now, I feel everything. I let myself feel everything. When something hurts, I let it hurt. And I cry. Heck, I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I don't know what emotion I'm feeling. (Makes you want to hang out with me, right? haha) But really, it's just who I am. I'm made to feel everything, be affected by everything, hug people, and be messy(?). Okay, maybe not the last one, but you get my point.

When we fight who we are made to be, we end up unhappy and looking to everything else and everyone else to "fix" us, when all we need to do is just simply be us, be ourselves.

Yes, I know, easier said than done.

It makes me really sad when I see people playing a part. Taking someone else's rules and trying to fit themselves into their box. You know another thing I've learned about myself? I thrive in an environment that's constantly changing. Apparently I'm NOT a planner. Though I constantly TRY to be.

I'm running a half marathon at the end of April. (Like, what?!?) And I get asked what training plan I'm following. Well here's the truth. I'm not following a plan. At least not in the form of a traditional 12-week scheduled plan. My plan is to increase mileage up until the actual day. Everything in between is in God's hands. No plan. Because I know myself. If I try to follow a plan, I will completely fail. Completely. So I'm making it up. Week by week. And allowing it to change within the week, so far that I'm often changing my plan for the next day. That's my plan. The plan is, I've got no plan. That's what my mother used to say and quite frankly, I hated it. (Planner!) But I have no plan because I've seen how much better my life can be when I let go, let God be in charge, and just go with the flow. (Now I've really lost everyone who knows me...) I don't have a plan, and that's okay. I'm not following someone else's rules, and that's okay. And you know what? If I miss a Monday, that's okay. If I have a bad run, that's okay. If I only run twice in the week, (hello, last week!) that's okay. Just because a traditional plan tells me I need to be running at least 3 times a week (or more!) doesn't mean that that's the right thing for ME. I find (right now, so don't quote me because this could change tomorrow) that more resistance workouts are better for me, better for my running. I'm happier with less running. (I think I've learned I actually don't even care for long distance running. Ironic, huh.) And my body is happier with less running. And so, I'm running less, and doing restistance and higher intensity workouts more. I'm doing what is right FOR ME. I'm doing what I was created to do, being who I was created to be. (No wonder I always failed at following the infamous couch to 5k plan!)

Now I'm totally not saying, go run a half marathon and don't have a plan. Because you might be someone who needs a plan. Maybe that plan is one you've written out specifically for yourself. Or maybe it IS one of the popular training plans. Do what YOU need to do and don't do what works for everyone else, just because "it works for everyone else." Because you're not everyone. You're YOU. You're unique. Be who you were created to be. Because it's there that you will SHINE. It's there that you will see AMAZING things happen.